You think you are invincible, until you are not.

After many visits to the doctor - blood tests, X-Rays, Heart monitors and consultations its hard to believe that you are fine, especially since almost everything in your body tells you otherwise.
Heart palpitations, stomach cramps, vomiting, nausea, vertigo, exhaustion, hunger and absolutely no drive whatsoever, things that you used to want to do... are no longer fun, suddenly every minute is a strange sensation of "what is going on!?" and "I really shouldn't feel this way!"

At first I tried chalking this up to aging, I'm 30+ now and everyone always told me.. this is when you start feeling it. But after a trip to the ER for a suspected heart attack things changed for me.

I started becoming hyper aware of my body. Everything my body used to do by itself, suddenly I perceived as strange - unusual movements.
Faster heart beat? Strange sensation in your forehead?
I got worried... obsessed with there being an issue... was I having a heart condition? A Tumor?

But I don't have time to think of this! There is an event! I have to focus! - Work is demanding!

Often I would go without sleeping to reach a deadline... Stress? I told myself, it's impossible - nothing changed! I've always been stressed like this! Projects have always needed a lot of attention! a sleepless night here or there has never bothered me. After all ... the payoff was amazing! seeing happy faces after such an ordeal!

You see... this is the problem - often you don't notice - but you are working yourself down!

Going out, eating crappy food, working late, doing chores?
All those things add up!
And at one point, you snap, your body, your mind ... tell you ... you need to stop!

And with this moment... came my hyper awareness of my body. And along came my new enemy ... myself - in the form of Generalized Anxiety.

I have been told I had generalized anxiety ... my body is okay.
My body is okay? I'm having headaches! My heart is pounding and I'm sweating!! Something is wrong!!! Not anxiety, there is nothing to be anxious about!!! - breath ... I can't breath!

I'm not Anxious! I'm not Crazy!

You see... there is the problem. Anxiety, Depression .. all those things are not "crazy" they are just like a runny nose... just within your brain!
Anxiety... causes your mind .. to spin! Causes your body to do things! It's all in your head.

I was told - the first step to getting better .. is to accept it all. So .. here I am ... accepting it all ...

Let's see what this does for me... we shall see.

Until next time...

-Me